I’ve been conducting some very important online research lately, only to realize that not even the esteemed eHow articles provide a step-by-step guide on how to create a world where you, the single woman, can immerse yourself in a little bit of fantasy and exploration when it comes to meeting that all elusive ‘Mr Right’.
*He does exist, he does exist, he DOES exist.*
But why settle for fantasizing about being the apple of some generic dude’s eye when you could create a world where a Sex God is at your beck and call? A world where you have no open pores and perfectly defined eyebrows and the epitome of raging masculinity and success was hanging on your every word?
I’m still a novice where image editing is concerned but I do have one very useful set of tools that have helped boost my creative juices when it comes to mastering Photoshop Dating. I can visualise stuff, I have a fairly vivid imagination and a natural artistic flair.
My social calendar may be as empty as my fridge, and I mightn’t have shaved my legs in
6 2 weeks but my Photoshop skills are indulging all sorts of shit hot scenarios! And let’s be honest, sometimes a single girlie’s disillusioned and flagging libido needs all the stimulation it can get. Pun intended.
At this virginal level of Photoshop Dating, take yourself completely and utterly out of the realms of reality and dip your tentative little toes into Superhero territory. Comic style! He’s built like a tank and she’s got a rope hanging from her hot-pants, the earth WILL move.
Another great way to ease yourself into the tantalizing world of Photoshop Dating is to set your sights on a pelvic thrusting Pop Star. I’ll agree that there’s more productive things you could do in an evening, like grocery shopping or something, but seriously, who needs a (fake) orgasm, when you can transform yourself into the love interest of Robin Thicke?
At this level it’s all about going straight to the top and that means only one thing: ‘A Lister’. We’ve all seen them on the big screen; the macho car chases, the endearing romantic gestures and their tantalising razor sharp jaw lines, bulging biceps and ripped abs. It’s time that you, the single girlie, got a slice of the action too!
Yes, YOU can be wined and dined thanks to the joys of Photoshop.
On Friday, me and Mr Gosling attended a Photography Exhibition together, which just so happened to feature a HUGE arty portrait of us. Hot damn! Ok, this was created with both Photoshop and some funky CAD software, but you get the general idea…
It’s suddenly uncomfortably hot in here.
Note to Self: text Gosling back about dinner invite tomorrow night…
The Advanced Photoshop Dater
We’ve finally reached the climax of this tutorial. This level of expertise is all about unadulterated pleasure. Us ladies are known to be less vocal than dudes, when it comes to our ‘secret single behaviour’ and a chick has needs too, right?
So, step away from the tub of ice cream, throw the Rom-Coms in the trash and burn that CD entitled ‘World’s Greatest Love Songs’. Get some scented candles, dim the lights and let your hands do the talkin’.
Allow Photoshop to take you on a visual journey of lust and desire; where the lighting is perfect; where your thighs could crush a grape and where your sex face could make a grown man whimper into his pillow.
Welcome to the world of Photoshop!
Where you can create the man of your dreams, the pout you’ve always wanted AND the sex you’ve always craved a (2D) reality! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find some fresh meat courtesy of ‘Google Images’…
*Thanks to Adam S for his admirable and unwavering assistance with the creation of this post*